"In the Trenches"

"The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly." Proverbs 15:14 NIV

We live in an information age. It is easier to connect to people than ever before, and I don't just mean the internet. Phones, planes, bookstores, libraries...all tools of the seeker. Sometimes, however, it can be hard to discern what is good information and what isn't. When I'm researching a topic, I try to find as much information as possible, from as many different points of view across the spectrum of bias. Bias, reliability and integrity are very, very important to consider especially if you are browsing on the internet. Because truly, you can find every opinion under the sun out there, often times complete with "links" or quoting "studies" (or twisting scripture) to prove their agenda. I once had a friend give up on breastfeeding because she found a page on the internet claiming that formula was just as healthy, if not healthier, than breastmilk and she decided it wasn't worth the trouble. Yes, seriously.

Always check the sources. See if they come from widely-accepted, reputable sources. And always read the actual study--I can't tell you how many studies I've come across that were politically motivated in the dissemination of information (vaccine studies for example) and how, if you actually read the study, it really proved something entirely different, or didn't actually prove anything at all. Always consider the bias. I try to find the least biased information I can, AND the most biased. I don't usually quote from the most biased, but reading both sides of the argument is a great way to find the commonality and pull apart the hyperbole to find the truth. And always consider the agenda. Everyone, even me, has an agenda. Agendas can be good (simply desiring to pass on information, love, concern, etc) or bad or somewhere in between. Why is someone presenting the information they are presenting?

As great and wonderful as it is to research a topic, some things are better learned by the ol' fashioned way--the examples of the godly men and women around you. I find both to be valid, and in some areas, both to be necessary. Sometimes the advice you get from friends doesn't really hold water with the information out there (i.e. old wives tales, or 'absolutes' on how to raise your babies), and it's good to do a little of both. I was lucky, for example, to have a mom and family who believed in the importance and superiority of breastfeeding, but I have met many women who had no support in that area, and had they not been exposed to information about it, would have simply gone along with the norm. On the other side, had I not had experience with cloth diapers thanks to my mom, I never would have considered it, information aside. The idea would have been weird. I've learned things by research alone that have been very valuable, and I have learned things from friends, family, and older wiser women. :)

As a Christian, I am constantly being exhorted in the Bible to consider and think. Wisdom and knowledge are different, but related. We are commanded to have discernment and encouraged to think things out on our own, and we are also encouraged to find reliable, reputable counselors. We learn wisdom and knowledge from our parents, and teachers, and pastors, and co-heirs with Christ. And we are commanded to hold all of it up to the light of scripture, for the Lord is our ultimate and final source of wisdom, discernment, and knowledge.

Particular to motherhood, we are often encouraged to be instructed by older women in the Lord. This is right, and good. But I have also learned a lot of valuable information by my sisters toiling alongside of me. Chances are, most of the older women in your life who have raised kids to adulthood won't remember all the ins and outs of every day life in the trenches. My mom wasn't very far removed from babies in the house when I had mine, but she couldn't remember everything either. She could convey a lot of big-picture stuff, but not all of the details. When a friend needed some info on a health concern in her baby, her mom had no idea...it was her younger sister who had just dealt with something similar that was able to light the way.

I get a little concerned, therefore, when I hear things like "Oh, you only have one kid, you couldn't know as much as the woman with 8" or "She's only 25, you shouldn't take advice from her". Chances are, the information regarding child rearing that your mom and their mom and sometimes even, their mom's mom, was part of the grand experiment of enlightenment. In the recent past, science has done a lot of good and not a whole lot of harm in child rearing. I do find it amusing that we have come full circle in many ways as to what is most beneficial for a baby. But over the last 100 years or so, much misinformation was spread around (i.e. don't pick up a crying baby or you'll spoil them, the whole formula debacle, feed your baby on a schedule or else, etc.) and women stopped trusting in themselves and the older generations and started parenting for science and their own convenience's sake. Not because they were all lazy and selfish, but because they thought it was best, as they were told it was.

Not all older women have misinformation obviously. My mom, for instance. She has been an invaluable source of wisdom, knowledge, and comfort and a wonderful, godly example in my life. I'm not saying we should throw out their knowledge and experience. Merely, balance it against common sense, decades of research, and a little realization of the baby as an individual. You see, every baby is different. Even among siblings, what works for one won't work for the other. This is where experience of others, both older seasoned women, and your best friend with kids the same age, comes in handy. Scheduled feedings might have 'worked' for Mary's baby, but they sure didn't for Jane and Amanda's, so you can feel confident to do whatever it is that is best for YOUR baby.

So I'm not saying, hey, Titus 2 doesn't apply. I'm just saying Proverbs 15:22 also applies: "Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed." (NAS) Finding a balance of information and the discernment to apply it properly for your specific situation to your individual baby is the key, not necessarily which avenue it comes from. There are very few 'only one' right ways to raise a child, and even most of those are qualified. Breastfeeding, for example, is always best and superior...except when it isn't. I'd say it's the 'only' right way to feed a baby (certainly, the normal, God-designed, superior-to-formula-in-every-aspect way). But if your baby has galactosemia or you have AIDS, then it isn't. In fact, it could be fatal. So for 99.9%, it's best. For a miniscule amount of people, it's not. Though you will be sold a great amount of "do this and your child will turn out perfectly", there is yet to be found the perfect method that applies to all children for all time. The Bible doesn't even give us exact, step-by-step instructions for every miniscule little detail of every stage of development. It gives us all the necessary principles, and everything we need to make good decisions, but not all of the specifics.

I've discovered a great wealth of help and information among my peers...those a step ahead, those a step behind, and those right there with me. I've discovered many things, too, that friends have been convinced of that simply wouldn't fit or work with our kids (though it certainly did theirs), and even some out-and-out wrong information or ideas or practices. That's where wisdom comes in, of course, and discernment. I'm just saying, don't discount the single mother of an only child. She may have something valuable to pass on to you as well.